Sometimes It's Hard

I love my religion. I love my church. I love the gospel and all that it has taught me. But being in my family, it's one of the hardest things to express. I used to be the kid that hated going to church. I would fake sick, sleep in, or just tell my mom no. I went inactive for awhile. Once I realized how much the church had kept my life in order, I started going back. I am to the point where I am begging my family to come with me on Sunday's. It really sucks. I have been going alone, sitting by myself in the back of the room. It's almost embarrassing. I can go with my friends to their wards, and I do on occasion! I just think that my mom looks at it as me going to hang out with my friends instead of the actual church part. I read my scriptures every night. I also ask my siblings if they want to read with  me. Betcha can't guess what their answer is? .."NO." It's rough. I get so frustrated with it. 
I get made fun of in my house for what I believe. My mom is religious. She just hates our ward so she never goes. My brother just hates every aspect of it. My dad is a convert, and I don't feel like he converted for the right reasons. Gracie never goes unless my mom makes her. They make fun of me for going. They mock me for the choices that I make and the things I do. They say it makes me seem like I act all high and mighty and that I'm holier than they are. I just go for myself. I don't know how to get that point across to them. I'm not saying I'm the perfect church member. We are all sinners, and sometimes it's hard to go to young women's and deal with beehives. I have to say, I've done better about making it. I haven't missed church in a couple months now, and I haven't missed a young women's Wednesday in a long while. I wish my family could see that I'm trying. I understand that they don't like our ward. I didn't either. Now, though? They are some of my very best friends. I love my ward! I'm accepted and cared about. My family bashes on them all the time. It breaks my heart, but to them, my point is invalid.
I'm working on not swearing anymore. It's hard, and I'm not saying I've stopped completely, and I probably won't. Because let's be honest... sometimes you just need to scream choice words. I'm working on really trying to study my scriptures. Not just read them. I take notes and reread things and go into detail with them. I have actually been going to seminary this year. (Shocker, right?) I've been putting myself into the lessons and really trying to get something out of it.
I think the reason I am truthfully trying so much is that I want to be sealed to my family. I've never been in the temple with them, and I hate it. All of my friends have been sealed to their family. I'm so jealous of them. I've made it my own personal goal to search for a young man that holds the priesthood. I want to have a family where we have Family Home Evening, where we go to church together on Sunday. I want to be able to go to the temple with my future husband. I love my family and the way we are. We act how we do because that's how God meant for it to be. I just wish they shared the same love that I do for the church. That's all I want when I have a family of my own.
My testimony has grown so much these last few months. I know things happen for a reason, and that it is all in God's plan. I can't wait to go out and serve the Lord on a mission in October. I know that trying to get my family involved in the church is just a lesson that I need to be put through to help me out in my life. I believe in the Book of Mormon, our prophet Thomas S. Monson, and all that we are taught. I'm grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Little Angels

I don't know how to react about Friday's news. Those 20 little kids that tragically lost their lives. It breaks my heart. I may not have known the kids, or even lived in the same state as them, but it affected us here in little Syracuse just as much. I came home during 7th period to talk to my mom when I turned on the news. I lost it. Jeff came over and we just sat and watched the news reports. As the numbers grew, so did my sadness. Twenty families lost one of their babies. How is that fair? I understand God has a plan, but sometimes His plan just breaks your heart. There is no explanation why this had to happen. Why them, why Connecticut, just why. We have so many questions that can't be answered right now. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the families and friends that were affected by this. I was talking to my dad later that night and he told me about the school in Japan. The schoolchildren that were attacked by knife. I don't think I will ever understand how our world has come to this. It terrifies me to grow up and have kids of my own. The world is becoming a sick, twisted place. It makes you wonder what else is going to happen.I pray every night the world has some crazy turning point where we realize just how horrible we've become, and that it's time to change.

Ten Truths Tuesday

Not only is it Temple Tuesday, but it is Ten Truths Tuesday as well.

1. Friends is the greatest show. Ever.

2. I have met some amazing people this year. They are changing my life one day at a time.

3. I'm pretty sure my best friend and I aren't to good right now. I don't know what to do. We never go this long without really talking and hanging out.

4. I'm jealous of all of my friends with their cute missionaries out in the field.

5. JEFF IS COMING HOME. I am so ecstatic! He is transferring to Weber and coming home!

6. I really didn't want to leave California. I hate Syracuse. I was myself out in California. Not a care in the world. I hate it here.

7. I started SnapChatting LAST YEAR. Now everyone is doing it. Freaking losers.

8. I got Emily the coolest Christmas present ever. And as it sits here in my room, I contemplate keeping it for myself, that's how awesome it is.

9. Lion King will always be the best movie. Ever. Classic.

10. I'm scared of being alone. I hate it.