Regret

Did I make the wrong choice?

Should I have stayed?

I miss them so much. . .

I think I made a bad decision... Remember how I said I switched soccer teams? I am currently on the Strikers, and I left the Ogden Outlaws? Well...I think that was a bad choice. I miss my girls SO much. I need my family back. We were so in sync with each other. Even through all of the drama and issues, we pulled through and fought for each other. I miss Mike, he was the best coach I had ever had. He taught me so much. Four years with a team makes you tight...and I think I'm regretting leaving.

Would he take me back? Would the girls WANT me back? I think he'd take me back on if I admitted he was right. He told me it would be a bad decision to switch...I could always stay on Strikers, and try out for Outlaws next season. But that's a year. And that would put me a year behind my girls. Funny..I still call them my girls, even though I'm not on the team. 

Strikers are great, don't get me wrong. They just aren't my skill level. The girls have gotten so much nicer, we talk, and we can at least laugh together now. But I still don't feel comfortable. I want to be the leader on a team. I can do that on both. I want to lead girls that are willing to work. If you aren't going to bring 110% to the game, don't step on the field. That's my new motto. I don't feel like Strikers do that. Same with Outlaws. But on Outlaws, we had heart and didn't give up at the last second.

What do I do now? Stay on Strikers, just content? Where things are different, but its a learning experience? Or move to Outlaws again, where it feels like home? I'm so lost right now...Send me a sign? A letter? A signal? Anything to help me decide what to do...I need to decide. Q.U.I.C.K

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly?

6 letters that affect every aspect of your life.

C H A N G E

Personally? Not a big fan of it. This year, it honestly killed me. Changing from 9th grade to 10th grade was huge. We were finally in high school, with all the big, bad, juniors and seniors. We changed friends. We changed classes. I don't think much stayed the same. Is it good? Yes. Don't get me wrong, its a fabulous thing to have a change of pace and a change of outlook. But I still find it terrible and scary. I went into the year with about 6 best friends. We were tighter than tight, closer than close. That all changed immediately. We all changed with our sports. Whether it was soccer, golf, cheer, dance...We all changed. People got busy. We met new friends. We wanted to stay close. Did it happen? Not for all of us. I switched "best friends" so many times over the year. The ones that have stayed through everything? Yeah, they are true to me. Out of my group of 7, we all still talk. We don't hang out that much. Unless its a huge party. Am I ok with that? Somewhat. I have other friends that I'm closer and more friendly with now. I miss the old times. If things hadn't of changed, it would have made this year a lot easier. 

The switch happened. I officially quit the Ogden Outlaws. Hardest thing I have ever had to do. I took Mike my bag with all my supplies...said goodbye to him. Then Britt came up to me. She was one of my best friends from that team. She started crying, I started crying. It was just a big cry fest. I love that girl, and she is going to go far in whatever she does! Changing teams has kind of sucked. I don't know the Strikers to well yet, so it's awkward.  They are a division lower. And a lot different from Outlaws...What have I gotten myself into?

There has been a change in my health. My hips and knees are getting worse again. I'm so sick of this. Just get better soon so I can run and play! 

Arnold Bennett said:

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

I agree completely. The change can seem good in the moment, and then come the difficulties. We have to learn to accept it, and just know its a way of life. Stuff happens, and you have to roll with the punches. I've learned that lately, and it's the piece of mind that is keeping me from going crazy. 

I Miss My Friends. . .

I know its summer..
I know we see each other all the time..
But I miss my friends.

Yeah, we hang out every once in awhile.
But where have I been?
At soccer. Or at home.
I just want one week of our old group of friends to be together.
Will I get that?
Probably not.

I miss how things were with people before school started.
I miss no drama.
I miss having my weekends being devoted to my friends.

What was my favorite thing?
Having the boys text me to hang out,
having plans made with the girls,
and not bailing on everyone.

They still text me, but not as much.
They know I'm at soccer.
I just want things to be how they used to be...

I miss my best friend Joshua...I don't talk to him as much, and I need to..
Quick.

I love my friends, and I love soccer.
Can't I have time for both?