Junior Year

Well here we are. At the close of another school year. And I am not ashamed to say I'm happy to see it go. This has been the craziest, most emotionally, mentally, and physically draining year of my life. Coming into this year, I thought it would be great. I would have all my friends, soccer would be perfect, and I would just be a regular teenage girl. Boy was I wrong! I don't know what happened, but people changed. And that's okay! Everyone does, and most of the time it is for the better. Personally, I know I changed A LOT. But it's made me a stronger person inside and out. I'm no longer friends with a lot of the people I was closest with. Would I do anything for them on anyday? Absolutely. Even if we don't talk now, they were a big part of my life and I'm always going to be there for them.
Emotionally...this year was hard for everyone is Davis Country. Specifically Clearfield and Syracuse High. Between losing our friends due to suicide, it took a toll on a lot of us. It made me realize that life is so fragile. You have to be conscious with everything you say to someone. You don't know the battles they are currently fighting. Tanner, Sam, Zack...you boys are always in my heart. I miss you all so much. I know you guys are looking over us though and sending us your love.
I lost my best friend this year. Nothing happened to him, we just grew apart. And it eats at me ever single day. I still have hope that one day we will work out our issues and be able to talk again. It's been officially three months since we've spoken. 9 years down the drain it feels like. I still love him to death. And he will always hold a special place in my heart that no one can fill. Love you, Broughykins. I hope you are doing well and everything is okay.

Soccer has been a whirlwind this year. High school season we should have dominated, but sadly struggled throughout the whole season. I definitely made some amazing friends and grew stronger. I've made the decision I am done with soccer. I don't have the drive for it anymore. I love my comp team with all my heart, but I don't love the sport. I've made the decision I am going to run cross country. I love it and I know I'm good at it. I think it will be such a good experience for me. I have one tournament with my comp team left.. we will see how it goes. It will be an emotional time for a lot of the girls. We are all sisters. We used to be so distant from each other, but now we all are so close. They were my best friends when I didn't like myself, my city, or my school.

Best friends always. I love my girls, my coach, and what I gave 11 years of my life to. I'm grateful for the experiences I had from this whole thing. I wouldn't take it back for anything.

It's not that school was hard this year. It was just draining. It seemed that no matter what, I couldn't agree with my Chemistry teacher. That took a toll on me and the entire class. No one wanted to be there. It seemed that everything just wore me out. Especially after having mono, strep, AND bronchitits. After that, I just couldn't focus. Those three months of being sick were horrible. I kept my grades up though, which I thought was a stressful task. I've come to the point where I wear jeans and a soccer shirt to school. And MAYBE mascara. I know, I've been looking lovely. But I just don't care anymore!

I'm so grateful for the gospel in my life. This year has been a test to see what I can live through. I don't know where I would be without the Church in my life. I'm in the middle of the Book of Mormon for the second time. I am catching things I didn't see or understand the first time I've gone through it. I'm grateful for a gospel that allows me to repent and know of the atonement. My life would be flipped all around with it as a steady rock.

Junior year, GOODBYE. It is time for us to part.. Thankfully. Summer? Be good to me. I want to be a teenager and have one of the most unforgettable summers yet. Senior year? Bring it on. :)

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions—the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitessimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

100th Post

Well.. Pretty self-explanatory. I have been blogging for a little over a year now, about random adventures that I have taken, things that have stuck out to me, and things that tell who I am. So seeing as it is November, the month of thanking and giving, I'll do a post of what I'm thankful and grateful for.

*I'm grateful for my family. That laughs, the fights, the weird conversations. Carson, Gracie, my mom and dad, and even our three little dogs.

I'm grateful for soccer. Even though it has taken me on a roller coaster for 11 years, but it has defined me and helped me find out who I am and what I love.*

*I'm grateful for my talent in running. Without it, I would just be ordinary.

*I am so thankful we have music. Sometimes, you just need some Taylor Swift to cry to, or some Eminem to yell to. 

My friends. Things have been rough, but I'm grateful for the good times, the trials, and all of the memories we have made.*

*My house. My clothes. My I-Pod. Shoes. Purses. Make-up. Cleats. Pictures. My tooth brush. My car. Posters. Quote blocks. My phone.

*I am so grateful for the gospel. Without it in my life, I would be lost. It has helped me so much these last few weeks and I am thankful for our prophets who have helped us.*

*The Book Of Mormom. I am so so so grateful for it. I am almost finished with it, and I have learned so much from it. Its crazy how a book can affect someones life so much.*

*The Temple. Its my castle, and I am going to go there one day.

I am so thankful for the men and the women that serve our country and keep us safe and free.*

*Here is a shocker : I am grateful for school. Without it, we would be so worse off. It is going to be worth it after we get those diplomas.

I'm grateful for those days where I can come home and sit in sweats, with my hair pulled back, and make up off and just relax.*

*I am thankful for the days that I realize I have a life and I'm doing something productive to help someone or do something.

I know there is a lot I missed. There is so much to be thankful for, and this is the time of the season to thank those that have helped you. 

Thank you to my friends. You've made me stronger. You have given me laughs and memories I will remember forever. Thank you to my family for not giving up on me when I've been at my lowest. Thank you Marilyn Monroe for not being a size two and making everyone else feel more comfortable about their bodies. Thank you to The Redeemer for giving his life so we could be here and have these amazing opportunities. 

Just A Quote

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."

Fake It 'Til You Make It

I have an example in my life. Brianna Brough! She is seriously one of my best friends and she is such an example to me. I look up to her and turn to her for anything. After all of these lovely friend dilemma's I've been having, I needed someone to talk to. She has been through anything you can imagine. Her biggest peace of advice? "Fake it 'til you make it"

So you know what? I'm not going to let them get the best of me. They can't tear me down. With all that people throw at me, I know I can take it. In my patriachal blessing, it says that when the time comes, I will be standing with my armor ready to fight. I have a feeling it's time. I have to keep my true friends close, and I can't forget who I am. If I don't change who I am, I will come out on top. You think you can change me? You think you can hit me over and over again and I'll be ok with that? 1. You can't change who I am. And 2. You don't have any right to judge me, when you've done similar things. I have tried to work it out with you and make the best of our summer and our high school career. You obviously don't care.

NEITHER DO I.

Marilyn Monroe has said, "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."   

It's my life, I'll live it how I want. I am strong. I am independent. I am capable of making my life the best it can be, and you can't change it.

Next time you see me, even when I'm not feeling the best, I will fake it and show you that you haven't affected me at all. I have my true friends. The people that wouldn't leave my side. And they treat me like an individual. We have our differences, but they accept me. So you can go on and change who you are. That's your own personal choice and it'll hopefully be the best for you. I will fake it, until I make it out of high school, and out of these silly little games we keep playing.

Good luck to you out there. The struggle and heartache isn't worth my time.

Be Happy

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

Be happy.

 Life is full of mishaps and sadness. 

Look past it.

Be brave.

Fall in love.

Have heart.

Give all the time.

Care for others.
Be honest.
Have fun.

BE HAPPY

It's A Gift

"Boy, why'd you let me go to bed last night,
with tears in my eyes, tears in my eyes?
Why'd you let me go to bed last night,
cryin' myself to sleep.
If it only happened just one time, maybe I'd think that you and I'd be just fine.
But you let me go to bed last night, with tears in my eyes, yeah.."

-Andrew Allen; Tears In My Eyes

Crying is ok. It's a release. In seminary a few months ago, we talked about the gift of weeping. Trust me...I don't like it. It makes me feel weak and helpless. Sometimes, it's ok to cry. Times are hard. As a teenager, we are put to the test. Which friends to choose, is this the right decision, should I like this boy? And so much more. We pray. We read our scriptures. We try to choose the right, but sometimes it feels so wrong. 

It breaks my heart to see others cry. I try to be the shoulder they need to cry on. 

...Where is my shoulder to cry on?

I don't know how many times in the past few weeks I have gone to bed with tears in my eyes. Over boys, friends, lost relationships, everything in between. I don't feel good enough. I have a low self esteem. And I feel alone. It doesn't mean I am. I do have a few friends {I.E. Emily and McCall} that I can count on for anything. 

I feel like I have given up. I've given up on trying, and I've given up on caring. I wanted a positive attitude, but I got a neutral one you could say. I feel so platonic now. Never happy, but never sad. I don't know what that means. 

Honestly, I'm done trying. Go with the flow..? We'll see if I can.

I don't mean to write continuously redundant and pathetic posts. I just need to vent, and even if it's to complete strangers, it's helping. 

That's My Girl

I wish that I could see myself, for who I am.
Forget everyone else
If I could only catch a peak,
of whats inside I'd never hide
You see,
Way up in the sky, my father divine,
Ruler overseas is watching me.
He sees my every kindness,
Looks through my blindness,
Knows all my weaknesses,
And yet He still says

That's my girl, my beautiful girl.
She's changing this world, her beauty unfurled.
She is mine, my daughter divine.
She was born to shine. That's My Girl!

Once in awhile, I can't help but smile
Knowing the Lord has love in store
I'm beginning to see all that he's done for me
It makes my day to hear him say

That's my girl, my beautiful girl.

She's changing this world, her beauty unfurled.

She is mine, my daughter divine.

She was born to shine. That's My Girl!

I am born divine, if only I could see that

I can truly shine. It's inside of me!

Sometimes his love, that comes from above,

I may not deserve when I do not serve.

Or when I'm not strong and say something wrong

I can't find my way, that's when I hear him say

That's my girl, my beautiful girl.

She's changing this world, her beauty unfurled.

She is mine, my daughter divine.

She was born to shine. That's My Girl!

That's My Girl

Kristin Thomas

She wrote this song for Laurels camp. Take a second and think about it.

Regret

Did I make the wrong choice?

Should I have stayed?

I miss them so much. . .

I think I made a bad decision... Remember how I said I switched soccer teams? I am currently on the Strikers, and I left the Ogden Outlaws? Well...I think that was a bad choice. I miss my girls SO much. I need my family back. We were so in sync with each other. Even through all of the drama and issues, we pulled through and fought for each other. I miss Mike, he was the best coach I had ever had. He taught me so much. Four years with a team makes you tight...and I think I'm regretting leaving.

Would he take me back? Would the girls WANT me back? I think he'd take me back on if I admitted he was right. He told me it would be a bad decision to switch...I could always stay on Strikers, and try out for Outlaws next season. But that's a year. And that would put me a year behind my girls. Funny..I still call them my girls, even though I'm not on the team. 

Strikers are great, don't get me wrong. They just aren't my skill level. The girls have gotten so much nicer, we talk, and we can at least laugh together now. But I still don't feel comfortable. I want to be the leader on a team. I can do that on both. I want to lead girls that are willing to work. If you aren't going to bring 110% to the game, don't step on the field. That's my new motto. I don't feel like Strikers do that. Same with Outlaws. But on Outlaws, we had heart and didn't give up at the last second.

What do I do now? Stay on Strikers, just content? Where things are different, but its a learning experience? Or move to Outlaws again, where it feels like home? I'm so lost right now...Send me a sign? A letter? A signal? Anything to help me decide what to do...I need to decide. Q.U.I.C.K

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly?

6 letters that affect every aspect of your life.

C H A N G E

Personally? Not a big fan of it. This year, it honestly killed me. Changing from 9th grade to 10th grade was huge. We were finally in high school, with all the big, bad, juniors and seniors. We changed friends. We changed classes. I don't think much stayed the same. Is it good? Yes. Don't get me wrong, its a fabulous thing to have a change of pace and a change of outlook. But I still find it terrible and scary. I went into the year with about 6 best friends. We were tighter than tight, closer than close. That all changed immediately. We all changed with our sports. Whether it was soccer, golf, cheer, dance...We all changed. People got busy. We met new friends. We wanted to stay close. Did it happen? Not for all of us. I switched "best friends" so many times over the year. The ones that have stayed through everything? Yeah, they are true to me. Out of my group of 7, we all still talk. We don't hang out that much. Unless its a huge party. Am I ok with that? Somewhat. I have other friends that I'm closer and more friendly with now. I miss the old times. If things hadn't of changed, it would have made this year a lot easier. 

The switch happened. I officially quit the Ogden Outlaws. Hardest thing I have ever had to do. I took Mike my bag with all my supplies...said goodbye to him. Then Britt came up to me. She was one of my best friends from that team. She started crying, I started crying. It was just a big cry fest. I love that girl, and she is going to go far in whatever she does! Changing teams has kind of sucked. I don't know the Strikers to well yet, so it's awkward.  They are a division lower. And a lot different from Outlaws...What have I gotten myself into?

There has been a change in my health. My hips and knees are getting worse again. I'm so sick of this. Just get better soon so I can run and play! 

Arnold Bennett said:

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

I agree completely. The change can seem good in the moment, and then come the difficulties. We have to learn to accept it, and just know its a way of life. Stuff happens, and you have to roll with the punches. I've learned that lately, and it's the piece of mind that is keeping me from going crazy. 

What I See In You

We all have a different perspective of the world, people, and life in general.

"..The tragic or the humorous is a matter of perspective.."
- Arnold Beisser
Things can go bad, or change into completely hilarious moments...How do you see them?

What is the first thing you do when you see someone?  You judge them. No matter how hard you try not to, you do it. What do you think when you see them?
I have a straightforward perspective or "judgement" when it comes to some people.
My friends, for example. When I look at them, I judge them by how they act or what they do and say.
My friends are the greatest people I know. I look up to them. When you see a group of teenagers, normally people get annoyed. When you look at the people I am with, I can see the light of Christ in them. They care so much for the gospel, and for the Savior. Taking a look at the individuals I interact with, I notice their attitudes. You don't hear them harping on someone that isn't in our group, or just like us. They care abut others.
I am proud to say that they can take a bad situation, and turn it to good. They make you feel safe. They make you feel welcome. These are the people I am with most of the time. As they say, "You can't judge a book by its cover". It's true. If you were to judge a group of about five girls and fifteen plus boys, you would think they were annoying. Thats where our perspective changes. I can see kids of the church, with warm hearts and open arms. I can see young adults that are going through hard, difficult situations and are trying their hardest. I see a group of friends that believes in staying close and being there for each other. I couldn't ask for better people to be friends with. They teach me so much, and they are examples to others.

Don't forget...Others have a perspective of you too. How do you want to be seen? As a quiet, shy person? Or someone who isn't afraid to be themselves? Present yourself how you want to be seen.

It's been a rough day

"There are those women of misfortune laden with despair, sorrow, lack of love at home, or the guilt and consequences from having trodden in forbidden paths. Away from the community of the Saints, where succor can be provided, they await being befriended by one in whom they can confidently place their injured trust and who can restore their self-esteem and tenderly accompany them back to truth and light.
There are many sweet, faithful daughters of our Heavenly Father who bless our lives. May we better understand them  and be as sensitive to their needs as was the Savior when He instinctively sensed the touching of the hem of His garment and the faith of a long-diseased woman behind Him. As Jesus said to her, so may our actions affirm to our noble sisters: "Daughter, be of good comfort" (Matt. 9:22)"

I won't go into detail, it's to personal. But tonight, I went over to my best friend (Joshua Parker Brough)'s house. I don't know what caused me to start, but I randomly started crying when he asked if I was okay. There is a lot of stuff that has gone on that I've been struggling with. I don't know why I felt pressed to tell him all of it. I bawled my eyes out for a little over an hour. Josh just sat and listened, and listened some more. After I had caught him up on stuff and had finally stopped crying...he said he wouldn't be the person he is today if it weren't for me. Of course, I started crying again. This kid has helped me through so much, and I wanted to thank him. When I got home, he sent me the quote listed above(^). That made me cry...yet again.

Thank you to my best friend in the whole world. I don't think he realizes it, but he is the greatest example I have. I doubt you'll read this Broughykins, but I just wanted to tell you I love you. Thank you for listening to me complain and whine for an hour. It meant a lot, and I don't think I can ever say thank you enough. You're the best, and I'm so thankful and lucky to have a friend like you.

Marilyn Monroe

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

Marilyn Monroe

I think it's time for me to admit...

I’m a hopeless romantic

It's true...You know the sappy love songs, movies, books, poems that have to do with love? 

I crave for those. 

Weddings? - I'm there.

 

The guy gets the girl? - Has to happen.

<3 

There would always be a love song playing in the back ground. – Set the mood

 <3

You can actually see love at its finest. – Makes it all seem real

 <3

The lovers quarrel is a must – Get the dramatics in there

 <3

Flowers randomly sent out of affection – Simply sweet

 

It takes great measures and risks to get the girl back. – There is no story without it

<3 

The broken heart will be fixed – Which leads to…

 <3

Everyone having the happy ending.

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Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass, Belle fell in love with a hideous beast, Jasmine married a common thief, Ariel walked on land for love and life, Snow White barley escaped a knife. 

It was all about blood, sweat, and tears because love means facing your biggest fears.

You Are Good

"You are good. But it is not enough to just be good. You must be good for something you must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And that good that is in you must be spread to others."

Quote of the day*

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls, and I believe in miracles.

 – Audrey Hepburn

Emily Waburton said...

"We are each of us a snowflake.

 Not two of us the same.

 Reflections of endless loving source
from which we came. 

Unique in form and beauty.

Crystallized at birth.
Little flecks of heaven.

 Born to melt into earth.

We are each of us a snowflake 
of infinite design.

 Transitory dancers 
on the window panes of time. 

Unique in form and beauty.

 No two of us the same.

Reflections of the endless loving source
from which we came.

 We are each of us a snowflake.

A falling star in flight.

A traveler through the universe
in search of our own light.

 Unique in form and beauty. 

No two of one design. 

Transitory dancers
on the window pane of time."