100th Post

Well.. Pretty self-explanatory. I have been blogging for a little over a year now, about random adventures that I have taken, things that have stuck out to me, and things that tell who I am. So seeing as it is November, the month of thanking and giving, I'll do a post of what I'm thankful and grateful for.

*I'm grateful for my family. That laughs, the fights, the weird conversations. Carson, Gracie, my mom and dad, and even our three little dogs.

I'm grateful for soccer. Even though it has taken me on a roller coaster for 11 years, but it has defined me and helped me find out who I am and what I love.*

*I'm grateful for my talent in running. Without it, I would just be ordinary.

*I am so thankful we have music. Sometimes, you just need some Taylor Swift to cry to, or some Eminem to yell to. 

My friends. Things have been rough, but I'm grateful for the good times, the trials, and all of the memories we have made.*

*My house. My clothes. My I-Pod. Shoes. Purses. Make-up. Cleats. Pictures. My tooth brush. My car. Posters. Quote blocks. My phone.

*I am so grateful for the gospel. Without it in my life, I would be lost. It has helped me so much these last few weeks and I am thankful for our prophets who have helped us.*

*The Book Of Mormom. I am so so so grateful for it. I am almost finished with it, and I have learned so much from it. Its crazy how a book can affect someones life so much.*

*The Temple. Its my castle, and I am going to go there one day.

I am so thankful for the men and the women that serve our country and keep us safe and free.*

*Here is a shocker : I am grateful for school. Without it, we would be so worse off. It is going to be worth it after we get those diplomas.

I'm grateful for those days where I can come home and sit in sweats, with my hair pulled back, and make up off and just relax.*

*I am thankful for the days that I realize I have a life and I'm doing something productive to help someone or do something.

I know there is a lot I missed. There is so much to be thankful for, and this is the time of the season to thank those that have helped you. 

Thank you to my friends. You've made me stronger. You have given me laughs and memories I will remember forever. Thank you to my family for not giving up on me when I've been at my lowest. Thank you Marilyn Monroe for not being a size two and making everyone else feel more comfortable about their bodies. Thank you to The Redeemer for giving his life so we could be here and have these amazing opportunities. 

Thank You

That is all there is to say.
For years, we've grown up with the same young women leaders.
Today, they were released from their callings.
I don't think I have ever seen so many girls and leaders crying that much.

Change is so hard.
Especially with this. We have two leaders who we have really grown with.
Lindsay and Lisa. They were with us through everything.
From starting Jr. High and High school, to boys and family problems.
Saying goodbye to them was so hard.

We love our leaders. We look up to them so much.
We are more of a family and friends, not just a group.
They treat us like individuals and care for us in their own way.
I don't know what I would have done without some of these women.

The new leaders will be great.
I'm excited to see what they will do.
But still..
Why does goodbye have to be so hard?
I'm not ready for change.
I love my leaders, my friends, the women I call my 'other mothers'.
Today was hard, but I know there is a reason they had to be released.

We love you, Heritage Ward Young Womens

Soccer will be the death of me

Yet I still love it?

I'm off for a fun week at WSU for a camp! And then the high school tournament. Plus my own (Outlaw) practices...I might die...

Until then, be happy, love life, don't change,

Read your scriptures,
Pray,
and SMILE

10 {ten} Truths Tuesday

Its catching on! Many of you have started it. I know it seems silly, but sometimes, it comes in handy.

So...What are my new "Ten Truths"?

/\ Truth 1 Brady Blackley is my new best friend. He is a fabulous listener!

/\ Truth 2 I'm over my secret love. I'll always crush on him, but I'm happy with things right now.

/\ Truth 3 I'm in love with Taylor Swift music right now. She knows exactly how I'm feeling.

/\ Truth 4 Boys are dumb. Really. Friends is safer and smarter.

/\ Truth 5 I bore my testimony for the first time in months in Young Women's Sunday...Terrifying, but so needed.

/\ Truth 6 I have not sworn in two weeks. I'm proud of myself.

/\ Truth 7 Sometimes, it's ok to yell at your best friends. It fixes a lot, and gets the problems over with and done.

/\ Truth 8 At 11:11, almost every night. I make a wish. About life, soccer, boys, everything.

/\ Truth 9 I think mosquito's like me...just a bit to much.

/\ Truth 10 I love my siblings. Even though we fight and disagree a lot (A LOT) we are still best friends. Love you, Carson and Gracie!

Take a second and do your 10 truths. It's the new thing!

It's A Gift

"Boy, why'd you let me go to bed last night,
with tears in my eyes, tears in my eyes?
Why'd you let me go to bed last night,
cryin' myself to sleep.
If it only happened just one time, maybe I'd think that you and I'd be just fine.
But you let me go to bed last night, with tears in my eyes, yeah.."

-Andrew Allen; Tears In My Eyes

Crying is ok. It's a release. In seminary a few months ago, we talked about the gift of weeping. Trust me...I don't like it. It makes me feel weak and helpless. Sometimes, it's ok to cry. Times are hard. As a teenager, we are put to the test. Which friends to choose, is this the right decision, should I like this boy? And so much more. We pray. We read our scriptures. We try to choose the right, but sometimes it feels so wrong. 

It breaks my heart to see others cry. I try to be the shoulder they need to cry on. 

...Where is my shoulder to cry on?

I don't know how many times in the past few weeks I have gone to bed with tears in my eyes. Over boys, friends, lost relationships, everything in between. I don't feel good enough. I have a low self esteem. And I feel alone. It doesn't mean I am. I do have a few friends {I.E. Emily and McCall} that I can count on for anything. 

I feel like I have given up. I've given up on trying, and I've given up on caring. I wanted a positive attitude, but I got a neutral one you could say. I feel so platonic now. Never happy, but never sad. I don't know what that means. 

Honestly, I'm done trying. Go with the flow..? We'll see if I can.

I don't mean to write continuously redundant and pathetic posts. I just need to vent, and even if it's to complete strangers, it's helping. 

You Can't Always Get What You Want

I wanted change... But I didn't expect this.
Don't you love when you start to feel like you are losing your very best friend? Greatest feeling ever.
Or how about when you have lost every single one of your group of friends? They tell you that they love you and they will stand by you, and then disappear? This has seriously been the greatest summer ever. Or not, whatever. Yeah, it's pretty much sucked. Losing almost all of my friends, that's exactly what I wanted to happen. I don't know why its all happening, but I know that I kind of asked for it. I want things to be how they were...just for a minute. Let's count...shall we? How many friends could I call right this very second and just talk to? About 3. How many did I have before the summer started? To many to count. I honestly am losing people I care about. I'm done with all this drama. I want my old friends back...Is that to much to ask? Honestly, go ahead and conform. Go ahead and be immature and stupid. There is a line, and you crossed it. I pray every night things get better...Do they? Not yet.
I wanted an unforgettable summer and I got what I wanted.

Regret

Did I make the wrong choice?

Should I have stayed?

I miss them so much. . .

I think I made a bad decision... Remember how I said I switched soccer teams? I am currently on the Strikers, and I left the Ogden Outlaws? Well...I think that was a bad choice. I miss my girls SO much. I need my family back. We were so in sync with each other. Even through all of the drama and issues, we pulled through and fought for each other. I miss Mike, he was the best coach I had ever had. He taught me so much. Four years with a team makes you tight...and I think I'm regretting leaving.

Would he take me back? Would the girls WANT me back? I think he'd take me back on if I admitted he was right. He told me it would be a bad decision to switch...I could always stay on Strikers, and try out for Outlaws next season. But that's a year. And that would put me a year behind my girls. Funny..I still call them my girls, even though I'm not on the team. 

Strikers are great, don't get me wrong. They just aren't my skill level. The girls have gotten so much nicer, we talk, and we can at least laugh together now. But I still don't feel comfortable. I want to be the leader on a team. I can do that on both. I want to lead girls that are willing to work. If you aren't going to bring 110% to the game, don't step on the field. That's my new motto. I don't feel like Strikers do that. Same with Outlaws. But on Outlaws, we had heart and didn't give up at the last second.

What do I do now? Stay on Strikers, just content? Where things are different, but its a learning experience? Or move to Outlaws again, where it feels like home? I'm so lost right now...Send me a sign? A letter? A signal? Anything to help me decide what to do...I need to decide. Q.U.I.C.K

Just A Thought

We all are need of some HOPE right now.

Hope that we can make it one more week of school. . .

Hope that we can make the most of our short summer. . .

Hope that things will start to look up. . .

I'm not the only one that has been struggling for these past few weeks. Right now, I'm sending out my love and some hope to those that need it. You can push through the trials, you can look past the bad in life.

I have faith in you out there. It seems like all hope is gone, but trust me, it's not the end of the world.

You have your friends, your family, and the gospel.

Don't give up...Keep pushing on.

You can do it.

*Prayer Power*

Last night, I had on of the most mind-boggling experiences. I was hanging out with Emily, Trevor, and Jaden, and we decided to go to Jaden's house. Well, me and Emily got there first, so we parked my car at Trevor's. By the time they got there, we had been waiting for only a few minutes. I was going to follow them in my car to get to Jaden's house. When I turned my car on to go, it said I had absolutely NO gas. It was empty. We turned it off, thinking maybe it was just showing wrong. Started it again...No gas. We did that for about 10 minutes, freaking out. Still no gas. We left my car and walked to Jadens. A few hours later, I had to be home. So I went so my car, hoping it would finally run with gas in it. Trevor was right behind us, ready to follow us to the gas station. We turned my car on and...yup, you guessed. No gas. Emily turned to me and said, "Lets say a prayer...it might work!" So we bowed our heads down, she said a prayer that we would get to the gas station safely, and everything would be alright. We said our "amens", and turned the car back on. My gas tank was full. I checked every little thing in my car to see if it was right, and it was. Even though it was a little experience and it seemed like luck, I know prayer had something to do with it. I'm grateful that we have the power to ask for assistance in time of need.