Sometimes It's Hard

I love my religion. I love my church. I love the gospel and all that it has taught me. But being in my family, it's one of the hardest things to express. I used to be the kid that hated going to church. I would fake sick, sleep in, or just tell my mom no. I went inactive for awhile. Once I realized how much the church had kept my life in order, I started going back. I am to the point where I am begging my family to come with me on Sunday's. It really sucks. I have been going alone, sitting by myself in the back of the room. It's almost embarrassing. I can go with my friends to their wards, and I do on occasion! I just think that my mom looks at it as me going to hang out with my friends instead of the actual church part. I read my scriptures every night. I also ask my siblings if they want to read with  me. Betcha can't guess what their answer is? .."NO." It's rough. I get so frustrated with it. 
I get made fun of in my house for what I believe. My mom is religious. She just hates our ward so she never goes. My brother just hates every aspect of it. My dad is a convert, and I don't feel like he converted for the right reasons. Gracie never goes unless my mom makes her. They make fun of me for going. They mock me for the choices that I make and the things I do. They say it makes me seem like I act all high and mighty and that I'm holier than they are. I just go for myself. I don't know how to get that point across to them. I'm not saying I'm the perfect church member. We are all sinners, and sometimes it's hard to go to young women's and deal with beehives. I have to say, I've done better about making it. I haven't missed church in a couple months now, and I haven't missed a young women's Wednesday in a long while. I wish my family could see that I'm trying. I understand that they don't like our ward. I didn't either. Now, though? They are some of my very best friends. I love my ward! I'm accepted and cared about. My family bashes on them all the time. It breaks my heart, but to them, my point is invalid.
I'm working on not swearing anymore. It's hard, and I'm not saying I've stopped completely, and I probably won't. Because let's be honest... sometimes you just need to scream choice words. I'm working on really trying to study my scriptures. Not just read them. I take notes and reread things and go into detail with them. I have actually been going to seminary this year. (Shocker, right?) I've been putting myself into the lessons and really trying to get something out of it.
I think the reason I am truthfully trying so much is that I want to be sealed to my family. I've never been in the temple with them, and I hate it. All of my friends have been sealed to their family. I'm so jealous of them. I've made it my own personal goal to search for a young man that holds the priesthood. I want to have a family where we have Family Home Evening, where we go to church together on Sunday. I want to be able to go to the temple with my future husband. I love my family and the way we are. We act how we do because that's how God meant for it to be. I just wish they shared the same love that I do for the church. That's all I want when I have a family of my own.
My testimony has grown so much these last few months. I know things happen for a reason, and that it is all in God's plan. I can't wait to go out and serve the Lord on a mission in October. I know that trying to get my family involved in the church is just a lesson that I need to be put through to help me out in my life. I believe in the Book of Mormon, our prophet Thomas S. Monson, and all that we are taught. I'm grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.