On To The Next Chapter

This is my last post on this blog. I started it when I was a sophomore in high school, and guess what? High school is OVER. So that brings this blog to an end as well. I'm moving over to a new page, URL to be announced in the end.

Yes. I'm done. High school is over. It's almost a bittersweet feeling to know that you're done with something so big in your life. The last 13 years of school were fun, hard, an adventure! Now it's over and life is becoming real. I have to think about my mission, my future family, a career, college. All of that. The ending of one thing brings the beginning to the best years to come. I can't wait to go and find out what I'm going to be in my life.

Here are some super cute pictures of my friends, family, and myself from graduation this last week.

Two of my Fab Four sisters came to support me at graduation. I love them so freaking much. They called right as we were about to walk in, so I had to run out of the tunnel to meet them. Best sisters ever.

 

Outlaw girls. No matter what, we have all been there for each other since day 1

 My cute friend Jaron Carmen. We met this year and were instant friends. I'm going to miss him so much this summer, and while he is out on his mission.

J. Twin is no new character to this blog. Best friends since 9th grade. So grateful that she has stuck by me through everything. Love her and can't wait to see her become a cardiovascular surgeon.

Cam! I love Cameron Dower. We've become close in the last year. He's my favorite tickle partner. Chile is lucky to get such an incredible guy.

My cute group of friends from this year. They definitely made Senior year a blast.

Austin Flynn, Jaycee Brown, Cameron Dower, Emily George, Zach Lamb, Myself, Scott Wilcox, Sarah Davis, and Weston Flynn.

Cutest freaking boys ever. I'm in love with them.

Wait...we're done?!

Literally jumping for joy.. 

My two very very very best friends. I wouldn't be here without them.

SUCH A CUTE PICTURE. Ignore the Class of 2012 sign... we are from 2013..

Em and I love our friend Zach

 I can't even tell you the last time I had this many family members around.. This was the perfect weekend with all of my extended family.

 Pretty sure this is the most normal you'll ever see us

 So grateful my bff second cousin Dustin could come out. We are the same person, it seems. He's no joke one of my closest, best, most amazing friends. We went on cousin dates a lot while he was here.
I LOVE HIM

 Whoop.. let's get this show on the road

 My best friend of 2 years, Jeffrey Herbert. He came to dinner with us, and to graduation and sat with my crazy family... how amazing is he?

 Wait.. us? Smiling? At the same time??

 Okay that's better..

 Baby brother and sister. We fight, but I really do love them more than anything in the world

 This guy has been there for me through a lot this year. I love my Landon Greenhalgh!

 From seminary buds to graduates.. LOVE THEM

 Aren't they adorable?

 I never give this kid enough credit. He is around when I need him, he knows when I need to talk, and he loves me for who I am. Logan Child, you will always be one of the most sincere and gracious people I will ever meet.

 This is really happening...

 Look! That's me!

 Graduating class of 2013 from Syracuse High School.. That Cuse Cray ;)

 Gracie and Dustin... I love them.

 Hahahahahaha oh my gosh. I love Jaycee Brown like nobodies business.

My tag reads "Hi, my name is Courtney Hamilton and I'm a high school graduate."

Courtesy of my cousin Jessica

Well ladies and gents... that's all I have for ya. It's been a roller coaster for three years. Way too many ups, way too many downs. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. So glad to be done with high school and that part of my life. I love my friends, my family, my church. I'm excited to go and serve a mission this fall. I can't wait to see what else is in store for me. If you want to follow and stay connected, I'm moving over to www.c-shortney.blogspot.com for the next chapter in my life. Thanks for all the comments, views, everything! Until next time, Good luck out there!

That's All She Wrote

And it's over. The hell I have had to go through for 3 years is officially OVER.

I'm in tears because I'm so happy.

No one ever tells you how bad high school really is. Catty girls, hard tests, failing grades, feeling inadequate. You are never prepared for it. But once you get to the end... you realize just how awesome you are and how strong you are.

I've been through my fair share of trials. Not saying they are greater or worse than anyone else's. I've lost my best friend of 10 years. I made some not great decisions with boys which led to rumors being spread about me. I didn't make the soccer team my senior year, which led to losing all of my soccer friends. I struggled my way through school, never measuring up to my parent's expectations. I went through depression. I had a time where I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to just quit and give up.

I used to be a brick. Not emotional at all. I used to be happy all the time. Boy, did high school change that! It was a whirlwind of emotions, not one like the other.

But you know what? I wouldn't trade any of it. Ever. The experiences that I had over the last three years are what have shaped me into the person I am today. I am stronger. I am independent. I'm not ashamed to stand up for what I believe in. I'm not embarrassed to share my opinions and thoughts with people. I stand up for myself and my friends. I have been able to open up to so many people and create some life-long friendships. I've found myself and who I want to be. I'm not trying to fit in with the crowd anymore.

I can thank high school for that.

Would I go back? No.
Would I give up anything I've gone through? No.
Would I change the results of some of my problems? Not really.

As much as some of these things sucked, I know that it is exactly what needed to happen to me. I had to go through hard things to prepare me for my later life.

If I didn't have my few best friends beside me these past few years, I would have never made it out alive. My best friends have stood beside me through everything. Even when I was a wreck, they picked me back up and told me to keep going. I love them and all that they have ever done for me.

I won't see about 90 percent of these kids that I went to school with ever again. And I'm so grateful. I didn't like Syracuse. I hated it so much, I almost transferred to Clearfield. I'm so glad I stayed. It was hard, but so worth it. The class of 2013 is the funnest class I have ever had the privilege of knowing. We had school spirit, stuck by each other, supported each other, and didn't care about social barriers. Our football boys loved the special ed. students. Our whole school supported the productions kids. We make the best student section in the state during football season. We had the best senior prank to ever happen to our school.

Syracuse High School might not have been my ideal place to be for the last three years, but it's where I grew up. It's the kids that I've known since I was 6. It's home, now. I'm grateful for the teachers, students, and the school. I'm grateful for the lessons and experiences I've had while attending SHS.

So, world. I'm asking right now...

Are you ready for the Class of 2013 to graduate? I know we are.

10 Truths Tuesday

1. My family from Iowa is coming out this weekend... I'm so excited. I haven't seen most of them since I was 7 or 8. My BFF second cousin Dusty will be here. I just can't wait. No one understands how big of a deal this is for me to see people that I'm related to. That doesn't happen a lot around here.

2. Austin has been out for a week as of tomorrow morning. I miss him. But I'm proud of him, so I'll suck it up.

3. I am beyond excited for graduation Friday.

4. My two best friends are the greatest. Not a day goes by where we don't talk. I'm sure I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now without them.

5. Single life is the life for me! JK. It sucks. But whatevs. Gotta focus on the mission before anything else.

6. I started crying when President Spackman told me I could turn my papers in 3 days earlier than planned. I'm just ready to go and serve. Every little bit matters to me.

7. There are actually a lot of people I will miss after graduation. It'll be a sad thing to see everyone go.

8. I refuse to wear pants more than twice a week. Dresses EVERYDAY. Seriously. Ask my friends. It's every day.

9. I'm sick. Just a cold and a cough. But still. Sick. Boo.

10. I'm a lot happier now than I've been in a long while.

Just a Few Pictures. More To Come

I haven't posted pictures in forever... So that's my focus for the next few days!

Well.. this is one of my best friends. His name is Jaden Ralphs, and he is basically a stud. He sings, plays soccer, and our parents are basically best friends. We've known each other for years, and our parents have known each other since before we were born. We are about 6 days apart in age. We went out a few weekends ago on a date. SO FUN. We made breakfast, went ice skating, and got ice cream. I don't know where I would be without this kid. Even when we haven't seen each other for weeks, he still calls just to check in with me. He's the best!

Keller chose this filter..so don't judge my crazy eyes. This is my 7 year old little brother. And no.. he's not really my brother. But I've known him since before he was born, and I baby sit him all the time. I think I count as a big sister. He speaks Chinese. He's pretty dang cool and he will be a heartbreaker in high school.

We went to St. George over Spring Break. Emily, Jaycee, Maggie, and I. On Tuesday morning, we went and did baptisms in the St. George temple. One of the coolest experiences! I absolutely loved it! Waking up at the crack of dawn to go was so worth it!

We drove through Arizona and Nevada just for fun.. Bear Paw for breakfast. Red Robin for dinner. Temple trip. Meeting friends on the freeway. We did EVERYTHING you could do in St. George. It was honestly one of the best spring breaks I've ever had. I love my friends. We all needed a weekend like this to just unwind. I couldn't have asked for a better senior spring break!

O4L

Outlaws for Life

I love my soccer sisters. Britt and Syd have signed to go and play in Nebraska. I'm so jealous. I would give anything to still be playing. I am so so proud of them, though! I love my sisters. We've been through way to much to ever leave each other. I'm grateful to have grown up with these girls.

(Syd, Kates, Britt, Me)

If you know Em and I, you know we are totally content with sitting in sweats, with our hair pulled up, no make up on, on a Saturday night. Sometimes we like to get ready, though! Ladies night while the boys were all at priesthood session. Grateful for my best friend. Not gonna lie, we are adorable. So boys... we are single. *hint hint*

Flashback to when my cousin and soccer girls were on TV for the USWNT soccer practice last summer. Meeting Abby Wambach, Megan Rapinoe, Heather O'Reily, and all of the team was one of the best days of my life. Honestly . I love the USWNT so much, it's ridiculous.

Missionary Poem

A friend of mine shared this today in seminary. You can find the original here!

The alarm rings at 6:30; I stumble to my feet

I grab my companion's bedding and pull off his sheet.

A groan fills the room; is it already time to rise?

It seems like just a second ago I was able to shut my eyes.

The morning activities follow...study, prayer, and such.

When it's time to leave the apartment, you feel you haven't accomplished much.

"We have a super day planned," my comp. says with a grin.

I lowly utter a faithless breath, "Yea, if anyone lets us in."

With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street

Prepared to face another day of humidity and heat.

It's 9:30 in the evening, the day almost through;

My companion and I are riding home, not accomplishing what we thought to do.

We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot.

Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate, "air box"..

We go up into our apartment, the day is now complete,

The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistered feet.

It's past 10:30pm, my companion's fast asleep

Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep.

In the midst of all the sadness I kneel down to pray;

I need to talk to Father, but I'm not sure what to say.

"Oh Father," I begin, "What happened to us today?

I thought we'd teach somebody, but everyone was away.

My hands, my aching hands--worn, hurt and beat;

If only our area was any smaller, we'd knock down every street."

"Why on missions are the days so much alike?

The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike.

Will you send me some cooler weather? The heat is killing me.

I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes, it's very hard to see."

"Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn't your protection enough?

People always laugh at me and call me stupid stuff.

Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack;

I want to give them Books of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back."

"And what about my family? They don't have much to say,

I'm sick of not hearing from home, day after day after day.

Oh Father, why am I here, am I just wasting time?

Sometimes I just want to go home, I'm sorry but that's on my mind."

"My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?

The way he rides his bike, I don't think he can see

Now you have it, I can't go on, I don't know what to do;

That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for you."

My prayer now finished I stand up, then jump into bed.

I need my rest for tomorrow; we have another long day ahead.

Sleep starts to overtake me, I seem to drift away,

Then it seems a vision takes me to another time and another day.

I'm standing alone on the hill, the view is very nice;

A man walks toward me and says, "My name is Jesus Christ."

Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to his feet,

"Arise," he states, "Follow me to the shade--you and I need to speak."

My attention's toward the Savior, total and complete. He says,

"Your mission is similar of what happened to me

I understand how you feel, I know what you're going through;

In fact, it would be fair to say I've felt the same as you."

"I even know how you felt when no one listened to you.

At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do.

I know you don't like to ride a bicycle, for you a car would be sweet;

"I understand you don't like sweating, in fact it's something you hate;

I remember when I sweat blood from every pore, oh the agony was great!

I see you don't like your companion--you'd rather have someone else--

I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth."

"It's hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you.

I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews.

So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack.

I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back."

"Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day.

I guess when they pounded nails in mine, they ached in a similar way.

It's hard not to hear from home when your family's not there to see;

I lost communication on the cross and cried, "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?"

We have a lot in common, but there's a difference between us you see,

I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me."

He embraced me with his arms, His light filled me with His love,

With tears in my eyes, I watched as He went back to the Father above.

I stood in awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head,

I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed.

My companion let out a groan, "6:30 already, no way!"

I sat up and said, "Come on, I'll even carry your scriptures today!"

No matter what we go through, when we feel we can't take more,

Just stop to think about Jesus Christ, He's been there before.

My Biggest Fear

Honestly, think about it for a minute. What are you most afraid of? Is it snakes? Heights? What is it?

I'm terrified of being alone. That's the only thing that I am so scared of that it will bring me to tears. And no, not "alone" as in just being in a room by yourself. I mean feeling alone. Like there is no one who understands you, who wants to be with you, who cares.

This has been weighing on me a lot lately. Don't ask me why, I have friends who love me, a family that cares about me, a Savior who gave his life for me. I just feel alone.

I have major trust issues. I trust someone so fast, and the second something goes awry, I freak out and can't even handle it. This has led to a speedy increase in my anxiety attacks. I hate it. I hate not being able to just be "chill" and "calm" and "go with the flow" like everyone else.

I know why I have these issues. I've gone to therapy because of it. I don't blame the person that really got the ball rolling on this whole thing. It's not their fault that I'm a crazy basketcase now. That's how I feel half of the time. That I'm this crazy-clingy teenage freak who finds every little thing to worry about. I probably drive people insane. I know why I am the way I am. I had stuff happen that I wish never would have. And I wish it was easy for me to explain to people why I am this way. But I can't. And no one understands it.

I've turned into one of those people that gives out's. I always give people a reason to leave. I know I get annoying, bothersome, and probably psycho, but I just don't want people to feel obligated to stay by me. I will ask if I'm getting on someone's nerve. If I am, I step aside. Give them a break. I don't want to be a nuisance. Maybe this is why I have such an issue with being alone.. I give people reasons to leave, just hoping that they will find a reason to stay by me. And as history shows, people always leave. I mean, look at Josh. 14 months have gone by, and he's gone. I don't think he'll ever come back. I am in the middle of losing my soccer friends. They don't talk to me at all anymore unless I call. We were supposed to be the "Fab Four" for so many years to come. Since I retired from playing, I see less and less of them every month. Aren't they supposed to stick by my side? I'm the black sheep of my family. The odd one out. I have different views and opinions than them. They distance themselves from me.

I just wish I knew what to do. I'm terrified that I will end up alone in the long run. That I won't get married. Because, let's be honest. Who wants a short girl who isn't the prettiest, smartest, funniest, skinniest thing they've ever known? I'm plain. I'm boring. I'm crazy! No one wants that. And yes, I understand that I'm only 18 and that I have a lifetime to live and find love. I'm not saying I want to get married now. I'm just saying, if I was a guy, I wouldn't date me. I look at my adorable friends who go one dates, and talk to boys, and always have a knew guy fawning over them. Then there is me. Third-wheelin' it, it feels like.

All in all, I hate to be alone. But it's the constant feeling I have every day. Sure, I'm with people, but no one gets it. No one understands what has happened in my past. I wish I could just sit and let it all out. Tell a complete stranger who doesn't know me, what my problems were, are, and is. As much as people say the get it, they don't. I just wish someone would look me in the eye and tell me I'm not crazy. I feel like I really am losing it, and I wish I knew how to fix it.

Temple Trips Are The Best

A few weeks ago, Em and I went to the Bountiful temple to do baptisms for the dead. This one day has been replaying in my mind over and over again. I have never felt the spirit so strong before in the temple until this day. I don't know why, but I feel impressed to write about it and my experiences there.

Em and I were planning on going to the temple at about 8 in the morning. Not that early for us since we already wake up at the crack of dawn every morning. Em texted me and said she couldn't go, she needed to help set up and clean for Mama G's Pampered Chef party. Honestly, I was excited. What?! Sleeping in?!

YES.

Did I go back to bed?

Nope.

So I went and watched some Grey's Anatomy. (Side note: New favorite show. Oh, Doctor Owen Hunt. You're fabulous)

As the day started to progress, something kept nagging at me. I didn't feel right about not going to the temple that day. Emily texted me and said she could go at about 11:30. I'm defintely not a fan of going during that awkward time of day. Not early enough to be morning, not late enough to be afternoon. We talked about how we needed to be back early for her mom's party, so we had to book it to Bountiful.

When you have a time limit on going to the temple, it get's stressful and you lose the spirit a bit.
So I scrambled around my house, getting ready for Emily to come and pick me up. The bonus of going with my best friend who has seen me look like crap, I don't have to wear make up or do my hair. #winning

SO.

She showed up, I opened the car door and...

We were wearing basically the same outfit. Black. With white polka dots. You can't say we aren't super intune with each other.

As we starting driving to the temple, I could tell something was up. We needed to have a vent session. Tears were shed. Many tears. By the time we made it to the temple, we were both emotionally drained. To our surprise, there was NO ONE at the temple.

As much as I love to see tons and tons of people there, serving the lord, sometimes you just need those silent, reverent, peaceful days to really connect and feel the spirit. We went and got changed and headed in to do confirmations. It was different this time. You could almost feel the people getting confirmed there. You know that they were so excited to finally be a part of this church.

After confirmations, we headed into the font. There were about five people in there, so we took a seat and started reading the scriptures. Nifty fact about my friends and me. When we are at the temple, we always search through the scriptures like mad men to show each other cool verses. Chances are we find about twenty different verses that we just love. While we were sitting in the font, I decided to pray. I needed some help.. guidance. Whatever you want to call it. I was praying for about five minutes straight, and started crying. If you know me, you know I never cry during prayers. As I finished, I looked up to see a boy going into the font to be baptized. This boy wasn't completely normal. He was in the beginning stages of cerebral palsy.

Yup. I lost it.

As he walked down the steps, into the water, I felt the spirit SO strong. His dad started to baptize him. Because of his condition, he couldn't bend backwards to go under the water. He had to bend his knees, just so he could be submerged. You could tell it wasn't the easiest thing for him to do. He did his baptisms, and both Emily and I were brought to tears. Here is one of Christ's servants, doing work, no matter his own circumstances.

As he was being baptized, a mother and her daughter walked in. It took me a second to realize, but the daughter had down-syndrome. Again, tears. This whole experience was just a testimony builder. No matter what, we are all missionaries. We can all serve our Lord and Savior. The fact that these kids look at their trials and just carry on is such an example to me.

Brother Sunday was then in the font being baptized for his deceased family. He started crying when a Sister from his family's name was being read. It was amazing. This man came, by himself, just to see that his family could have the gospel like he has.

We finished with our baptisms, doing ten each. We got ready and started to head home. While leaving the temple, you could tell we were changed.

It's always bittersweet to leave the temple. You are so excited to go and share your experiences and continue on with the spirit, but at the same time, you are heartbroken that  you have to go back to the real world. I wish I could stay all day at the temple. Avoid the ways of reality and the world. But alas, we cannot.

This whole experience was such a testimony builder. I've never had anything really hit me hard that this church is true. It's just something I've always known. I grew up with my testimony. This temple trip though... definitely changed me. It's said that God gives his toughest challenges to his strongest soldiers. All of the people at the temple that day were just proof of that.

I'm grateful for this gospel. I'm grateful that we have the oppurtunity to go and serve the Lord in His house. I don't know what I would do without this church. It has helped me in so many ways, that it would take a lifetime to explain. I wouldn't be who I am without the love my Savior has for me. I can't wait to go and serve on an 18 month mission. I know it will be hard, but I'm ready to GO and DO as the Lord has commanded.

Looking For The Positives

Life

Life is ridiculous.

It's the hardest, most amazing thing ever.

 

We are almost to mid term.. We graduate in 43 days. 43! That's including weekends, too. How crazy is this!? I can't even handle it. Everyone is getting their mission calls. It's so exciting to see where everyone is going! I had my second interview last night to get my mission papers started. I'm already halfway done with them... You could say I'm excited.

 

I've decided I'm not great at this whole 'dating around' thing. I'm far to impatient and jealous. I'm trying, though! I went through a phase earlier this year where I was dating 3 different boys. Kaelt from Brigham, Austin from Utah State, and Brennan from Syracuse. It was fun! A different date every weekend! I may have even kissed one of them on a Friday night, then kissed another that following Monday.. ;) What can I say.. I was just dating around! I'm still chatting with a few of these boys, but only really dating Brennan. We aren't serious or anything, just having fun. We talked about how this would be better since we are both leaving for missions in a few months.  I just have to rave about him for a second though. We've been talking for about seven months now, and it has been the best blessing. He's a freak. So weird. If you know him, you know what I'm talking about. That kid pushes my buttons so much, sometimes all we do is argue! I absolutely love it. Everyone is always so surprised when I say we are talking. People don't even know that we are friends. But honestly? This kid is turning into one of my very best friends. It's weird if we don't talk on the phone at least once a week for at LEAST an hour. We text everyday, even if it's just a "Goodnight, hope you had a good day" text. Speak of the devil.. he just texted me. Looks like I might have a date to the temple tonight! I love it! We go to the temple all the time, we hang out with his family, and every once in awhile, mine. I tell him everything. I make sure to let him know when he's being mean, and he makes sure to make fun of me for it. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I adore this kid so much, and I'm so grateful for him.

 

I love my friends. My girlfriends rock. My young women rock. The few boys I hang out with rock. Everyone is basically just super awesome. I don't know how we don't have our own reality show yet. I haven't talked to my soccer girls in weeks. I miss them. It's hard to not see each other every week. You lose touch. Britt and Kates graduate soon... can't wait to go and support them! Things at home are better. Not great, but better. I've kind of just let my mom take over. She can act and say how she feels and I just bite my tongue until I need to intervene. We will see how long this works.

 

Summer is COMING. I'm freaking excited! I can't wait to finally be done with high school and go on with my life! I'm ready to grow up a bit!

 

My life is a countdown

Paramore - 11 days

The Great Gatsby - 15 days

Graduation - 43 days

Brady Blackley(San Diego) - 48 days

Zach Lamb(Honduras) - 62 days

Parker Greenhalgh(Taiwan) - 62 days

Joshua Brough(Argentina) - 69 days

Landon Greenhalgh(Taiwan) - 76 days

Cameron Dower(Chile) - 83 days

Kaelton Heil(Germany) - 90 days

Weston Leatherow(El Salvador) - 90 days



Ten Truths Tuesday

Welp. It's been a minute since I have done one of these babies!

1. I've got missionaries on my mind. 24/7. Between everyone getting their calls and my friends already out serving, it's the only thing I think about!
2. There was a big storm last night. Soo uh.. where is my knight in shining armor? I'm dyin' for my dramatic kiss in the rain.
3. I would much rather have friends that don't go to my school. Makes it easier to get out and meet knew people.
4. I was kissed in St. George by a boy I knew for like 3 seconds. Talk about fast friends. ;)
5. All I want to do is play soccer. That's it. I MISS IT SO MUCH.
6. My favorite color is red. My second favorite is black.
7. In love with country music. IN LOVE.
8. I am in a great mood today. This never happens.
9. I cried while watching the special on the MTC and the missionaries. Seriously, balling the entire time.
10. Sweaters. Dresses. Blazers. All I wear these days. I LOVE IT.

I Am Blessed

Sometimes I forget about all of the good things I have in my life. Wednesday was HORRIBLE. Probably the worst day I have had in awhile. School was just rough. I couldn't stay concentrated and I'm pretty sure I cried in every single class period. Jeff is the best. He came over after school and just sat with me while I cried for a bit. He really is the best. Josh got his call. Once everyone texted me to tell me where he was going (Argentina), I just lost it. I'm pretty sure I sat in my room sobbing for an hour. Pathetic, I know. I think part of it was I am just so unbelievably proud of him. That boy will be the best missionary out there. No doubt in my mind. I've just been so stressed about life. Third term kicked me in the bootay. Worst grades I have ever gotten. I'm pretty sure I got a 3.5, which is bad in my parents book. So that was great. I'm sick again. Twice this month. AWESOME. Not really. But it's fine. My immune system is just weak. Whatevs.
Anywho, while I was sititng in my room, crying my eyes out (definite mascara running down my face. That was a new experience. Not a fan) Mags texted me saying she was coming over. This girl has seriously been such a blessing in my life. I love her to pieces. So yeah, she came over and the first thing she says to me? "I have the Les Mis soundtrack blasting right now." MUSIC TO MY EARS. LITERALLY. So we get in her car, and just drive. She doesn't say anything and just lets me cry. So, I do. I cry and cry and cry. I've gotten pretty good about not crying in front of people, but that all went out the door Wednesday. We made it to West Point park and we just sat there. I just exploded. I named off almost everything that was going on. There are still things I kept to myself, because let's be honest. That's just the person I am. But I told her how I felt like my life was just bad. Her response? "Okay. You've said all the bad things, but I think you've forgotten the good things you have." I know I'm blessed. I know I have things in my life that other people aren't given. We just sat and she started naming off things about me that were good and positive. My favorites? I'm a little psychotic, but still funny. And I have good hygenie. HOLLA.
The tears finally stopped after awhile and we were just laughing. It was good to get a lot of the things I was feeling out. Once I got home, I went straight to bed. No time for overthinking everything. Waking up Thursday, I had a change of heart. No more negativity. I have less than three months left of high school. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I tend to forget that there are people who have it a lot worse than I do. I take all my blessings for granted.
When these waves of emotions come on, I seem to always ignore the fact that I'm not alone. I always feel like no one understands and that I am solely in charge of figuring it out for myself. But that is not the case. I have a Savior who died for me and died to take away my pain. He knows exactly what I'm going through and how it feels. That's overwhelming, in a good way. To have a best friend that loves you SO much that He would give anything for you to be okay. It's so comforting to know that I'm not going through things alone. I just need to kneel down and ask for help. The best part of this? He is ALWAYS there. He will never leave me. How we are all so blessed to have that, just baffles me.
My favorite quote of the moment, "It's just a bad day. Not a bad life." I need to remember this. Just because one day sucks, doesn't mean that I have a bad life. I don't. I have an awesome life. I just forget and need a reminder sometimes.
I have the best best friends on the face of the planet. I just need to take a moment and brag about how absolutely spectacular they are. Mags has seriously been an AMAZING example in my life. We've always been friends, nice to each other, a hey in the hall. But these last few weeks, she has seriously become one of my closest friends. I don't think a day goes by where we don't talk. My heart breaks for her. She has been through so much, especially recently. I wish I could help her. She is such an amazing person and doesn't deserve the difficulties she has been dealt. Sandi died about a week ago. That has been so hard for Maggie. I don't know how to help her. I'm trying to be there for her through everything. I'm praying for her. She is so strong, and shouldn't have to be alone in all of this. We invited her to come to St. George with us for Spring Break 2013 this week. She's coming. I couldn't be more excited! She is so loved by my friends. We've introduced her to knew people at Clearfield. Showed her that she is pretty great and that people love her. She's pretty cool. Love her to death. And I'm pretty sure we are super hilarious together when we make our dinosaur noises. It's fine.
Then there is Emily. OH MY GOSH CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE HER. Hahaha, seriously though. Best friend of a lifetime award goes to her. She was gone for ten days. Let me tell ya how much that sucked. We hang out every day. And if we don't hang out, we are texting each other all day, every day. You could say we are weird. But I would disagree. She is going to be an Ambassador at Weber State. Don't know if I've said that in earlier posts. But I'm so proud of her that I'll just say it again! She is going to rock it up there. I'm pretty sure the incoming freshman class will just adore her. No shocker there. The day she got back from California, I skipped second period so we could catch up. Because yes, that is what we do when we haven't seen each other in a week and a half. I'm pretty sure it took us all of three seconds to start catching each other up on everything that happened. We are awesome. She's the best bff I could ever ask for. We've been super pissed lately. All these girls are getting flowers from freaking RANDOM people. Then there is us. Um. Okay. I'm pretty sure we are adorable and hilarious. WHY DO BOYS NOT LOVE US. Really though. I'm sure if you read our text messages, you woud die laughing because we are that funny. You da best, E. Love ya!
Jeffrey freaking Herbert. He gets a small little bit of this. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made it through school last year like I did. He may be all grown up and in college, but he has no problem dropping things for his Asher. I love my porcupine. He's been one of the biggset blessings in my life. He is over all the time, or texting me just to check in. He is going to be one amazing husband one day. Have no fear, I already told him I must approve of his wife.
The sun is out, it's warm, spring break starts in a little more than four hours. I'M SO EXCITED.
I've been blessed and I'm grateful for everything I have been given.

Have an amazing weekend, ladies and gents. Can't wait to hear all about it!

Pause On The Play

Okay. So pause on all the positive vibes. I need to vent.

If you've never played soccer, watched it, or taken referee classes... can you please SHUT UP?

Obviously you don't know what you're talking about. Offsides is NOT just a random call they make. It has actually reason. Sometimes it may not be the right call. But there is still justification behind it. You're an idiot if you think that just because someone got shoved, they should get a penalty kick. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Learn what stoppage time is. Oh, PLEASE learn what stoppage time is. It isn't just 'extra time'. It's the time you get back from subbing, injuries, all of that jazz. Stop yelling at the ref. Yeah, they are stupid most of the time. But still. They are trying. Just because they make a call against you, doesn't mean you can sit and insult them for the rest of the game.

I hate people that act like they understand my sport. Golden Goal. Please don't just call it more game time. It's not. IT IS GOLDEN GOAL. THERE IS A NAME FOR IT.

I played soccer for 12 years. I'm pretty sure that most soccer girls and guys want to kick you in the jugular if you sit and act like you know what you're talking about. Because half of the time... You have no idea. So please do the world a favor and either learn about soccer, or keep your mouth shut. Don't make fun of a player because they just made a 70 yard sprint and lost the ball. It's hard work out there. You have absolutely no clue what it's like.

There is my rant for the day. Get educated about an amazing sport or shut up. That's all there is to it. Thank you.

Sincerely,
A frustrated soccer player.

I Hope They Call Me On A Mission... Plus Some Other Ramblings

I was rereading my patriarchal blessing the other day, and it hit me. I have to serve a mission. It was written so clearly that I was shocked I hadn't noticed it before. As April approaches, so does the realization that I can start my mission papers. Granted, I won't be able to actually leave for quite a few months, but the fact that the process gets to start is so exciting!

All of my friends are getting their calls. Landon and Parker Greenhalgh have been called to serve in Taiwan. Landon: Taichung, leaving July 10. Parker: Taipei, leaving June 26. Zach Lamb was just called to serve in Honduras, San Pedro Sula mission. He leaves June 26, too. I am so unbelievably proud of these boys. They are serious examples in my life. It's going to be hard to say goodbye, but I know that what they are doing is the most important thing right now. I hope and hope and hope they will all be here when I get my call.

Bryson Westbroek had his mission farewell yesterday. He's leaving in April to serve in the West Indies. That kid.. He is a freaking stud. He's going to kick some serious butt down there. Kaelton Heil and Braiden Simmons are getting their calls this week (hopefully). I'm so nervous for the both of them! They both need to get out there and start serving. It will be so good for them to finally be out of here. Jeff's papers are almost submitted. Just waiting on his bishop. Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out.

Between all of these farewells and mission openings, I feel like that is all anyone is focused on anymore! School? Forget about it! This term has been kicking my butt. I need 4th term to start so I can have clear grades and just finish! 81 days. 81 days and I will be graduated from high school. No one understands just how excited I am. High school is Hell, and if someone tells you otherwise, don't trust them. They are obviously a liar or mentally ill. Seriously, though.

My BFF is out of town for the next few days. And let me tell you, IT SUCKS. I have been so bored. This just goes to show that we spend way to much time together. It's fine though; her brother texted me last night saying we need to go out on a sibling date since he feels deserted as well without her. I love the George family. They never fail to make me feel like part of the family.

Senior year. I think we've finally all hit that wall where we don't care what's happened in the last few years. All that matters is that we are going crazy and having fun. Honestly, I don't care anymore about a fight that happened sophomore year when someone said something bad about someone else. It doesn't freaking matter. I've worked things out with some friends, and with others, we've just forgotten about it completely. I love it. I can call anyone on a Saturday night and just hang out. We have proven this to be true. This last Saturday, I was with Mags, Jaycee, Jordan Cobabe, Braiden Simmons, Brennan O'Neil, and Hayden Jardine. Most random group of people? You better believe it. But it was honestly one of the most fun nights I've had in awhile. And we did nothing big. We played basketball (our own version) and watched a movie. But I loved every second of it.

Let me just vent for a second here. Honestly... am I defective? Or mentally not all there? Someone please tell me. Because there must be something totally wrong with me. All these couples walking around school tend to make a girl jealous. But the part that really gets me... some of these people are SUPER WEIRD. Now I'm not judging, if you're happy with someone, be with them. Good for you. That is great. Just don't let me see you making out in the middle of the hallway. That's super nast' and ain't nobody got time fo dat. But seriously. I look at my cute friends and myself and wonder how we are single. I'm pretty sure we are super awesome and everyone should love us. I might be bias. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that I'm not the prettiest girl around town. But I don't think I'm completely hideous. I mean... sometimes my hair is really nice. Sometimes. It's just disheartening to walk around school and see all these happy lovey-dovey couples and people who are just 'in love' and realize that it's been over a year since your last REAL relationship. And I get it, it's all in God's timing. When I'm supposed to be with someone, I will be. I'm just sayin', it would be a lot of fun to actually date around. Not just spend your weekends watching movies with the same five people. Maybe that's just me though. SO. Dear Stripling Warrior that God is sending my way.. Try not to get lost. Because I'm already impatient.

I'm so grateful for my friends. They have been so great these last few weeks. We've been rebellious, crazy teenagers that we've needed to be. I'm grateful for the gospel in my life. I seriously would be so lost without it. I know that I've been blessed with a family that loves me, and friends that care. I'm grateful for the George's. I'd be going insane if it wasn't for them. They've totally taken me in as one of their own and I'm loving it. Senior year, you've been good to me. I am so excited for you to be done with though. Bring on the real world, my mission, and growing up. I'm ready for some new challenges.

Until next time,
LATER SKATERS
-Court

I Just Need A Minute

I've been doing so much better. I haven't felt the need to call or text you or anything. Then I saw you post about your mission papers. I'm so unbelievably proud of you for getting them in. I know you're going to be the very best missionary out there. It just sucks to think I probably won't get to say goodbye. You'll get your call in two weeks (give or take). I won't be there for that. I'll have to find out through Facebook or twitter. It sucks, ya know? Talking about it since we were little and not being able to see it REALLY happen for you. You'll get your call, and in a few months, you'll be off on an adventure somewhere in the world. I would love to tell you how proud I am of you. And how much I will miss you. But, how things are right now, I'm not going to get that chance. You were the very best friend I could ask for. You're an amazing kid, and I know that you are going to touch so many lives. Thank you for being that example that I needed in my own life. I don't know where I would have ended up without you. I just hope and pray we can talk before you leave and work something out. Start fresh, maybe.  It's been over a year... I think the silence is past its time.
I love you, best friend. Always will. I'll always be your Hammy Wammy.

On My Own

Okay, so if you didn't love Les Miserables, then you're stupid and I probably don't like you. Everyone can relate to something in that song. My song? On My Own. Eponine is singing about Marius. One of the parts that made me cry my eyes out during the movie.

On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone

I walk with him till morning

Without him

I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way I close my eyes

And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And although I know that he is blind

Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him

But when the night is over

He is gone

The river's just a river

Without him

The world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere

The streets are full of strangers

I love him

But every day I'm learning

All my life

I've only been pretending

Without me

His world will go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known

I love him

I love him

I love him

But only on my own

Rewriting and Writing Again

How many times can I start a post and not publish it? I mean really. If you were to look at my drafts, you'd see how indecisive I am. 

I just don't know what to say anymore. School is school. I avoid it at all costs. Friends are friends. They come and they go in waves. Work is work. And NOBODY likes work. It's just life. 

Sometimes I just sit and think. And if you're a teenage girl, you know what that means. Coming up with any crazy situation possible and just letting your mind run wild. Last night was one of those nights. Thank goodness for a bff who listens to me complain and cry. 

I'm so ready to grow up. This place is not for me. It has never been for me. I take every opportunity I can to get out of this little town. Seeing the same faces in the same places becomes a pain now. I want new and exciting. This is why graduation needs to come, NOW. 99 days. But again... who's counting? Not this girl...

April. The glorious month. I can start my papers then, and I couldn't be anymore excited. I am probably the last person you would expect to be going on a mission. But it's where I need to be. I've never been so sure about something. When I think about my plans to go and serve, I know it's the right decision. I think that's why I had such a hard time deciding on a school and a major for college. Nothing seemed to fit. But this? A mission? I know it's what I need to be doing for the next while. 

To whom this may concern:
            I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't what you needed in your life, even if you were what I needed. I hope and pray we work things out. No one else comes close to meaning as much as you do. I still love you. Probably always will. And the part that kills me? You don't even notice anymore. It seems like you're doing great. If you needed anything, I'd be there for you. I just wish you knew that.

99 days. 99 days and I am done with high school, stupid people, held-up feelings, and everything in between. I'm so ready.

109 Days

 My life has turned into a countdown.
Imagine Dragons concert - 32 days
Spring Break - 42 days
The Great Gatsby - 81 days
And last but not least... Graduation. 109 days away.

I don't think anyone understands just how excited I am to finally graduate. High school is not the place for me. I'm pretty sure I have had senioritis since the second week of sophomore year. Honestly? My senior year has been the best of the last three. I've had better friends, made decisions for myself, and grown up a lot. I don't think I was expecting my high school experience to be anything like it was. I had always imagined my friends and I starting and finishing together. Me being captain of the soccer team, dating a super cute guy who would be getting ready to go on his mission while I was getting ready to go off to college with my soccer girls. I look back and just laugh at my old expectations. Now? I'm no longer friends with any of that group, I don't play soccer, I'm working to save money for my mission in the fall. Does it sound like the same plan to you? Because I'm pretty sure it's a complete 180.

I'm just ready to grow up. Everyone always says cherish your teenage years while you can. Be young, have fun. And I am! I'm definitely not ready to be married and have kids. There is time for that. I'm just ready to finally be out on my own. I'm tired of being home. My parents and I butt heads when it comes to even the simplest decisions. I think they are finally realizing that I'm 18 and will be moving out in a few months. I don't think they are ready for that. I'm just ready to get out of here. Out of my house, Syracuse, this same day-by-day routine I'm in.

2012-2013

Yes, I realize it is the end of January, but I just never had time to get around and write about my year in review.

2012.. You could say it was the year from Hell. Everything that could happened, seemed to. We went through a lot this year as a community, friends, and as an individual. After losing our boys nearly a year ago to suicide, things changed. It was a big deal to the youth in this area. We were hit hard. But I think we came back, united and strong. I miss you Sam and Tanner. I think about you both nearly every day.

I made some incredible friends this year. I decided to open up and get to know new people. Nothing wrong with that, is there? I met so many kids from my school that I'd never even seen before. Now? They are some of my most favorite people I've had the pleasure of knowing. I may have lost some of my old friends, but I know it's going to be okay. Yeah, I miss them and the times we had, but it's time for me to grow up and live life how I want to.

I need to give a big shout out to my best friend. Six years down, a million more to go. Emily George has been my best friend since 7th grade, when we would wear matching outfits. ...we thought it was cool.. I've been through Hell and back with this girl. She has been there for me through everything that's come my way. And I hope I've been there for her! We had our first fight in 2012.. and it wasn't even a fight! That's when you know you have a good friend. Can't wait for the day I can send my kids to their Aunt Emily's. You're the best, E! Thank you for everything you've done! I don't know where I would be without you, your mom, Max, Sarah, any of you guys!

I'm no longer playing soccer. It was a big decision I had to make. In the long run, I know it's for the best. My body if finally recovering, we are saving money, and I'm getting the opportunity to work at a therapy clinic. I miss it. So much. Soccer was my life since I was 6. I grew up with my team, with my family. We try to all stay in touch, but living so far away is hard. I've been able to stick with my Fab Four girls. Britt, Squid, and Kates. They might as well be my sisters. When things at home get tough, I can call any one of them and they will be there for me in a split second. They understand me better than a lot of people here in Syracuse. I fit in with them. I'm grateful for the chance we had to play together for so long. I know those three are going to kick butt up at USU next fall, and I can't wait to see what they go on to do! You better believe our kids will be playing soccer together, one day.

2013.. BRING IT. I am so pumped for this year. My goal is to get to the temple as many times as I can until I leave for my mission. Yes, I am still planning on serving and LDS mission this upcoming fall. Am I scared? TERRIFIED. Am I excited? OF COURSE. I know it's what I need to be doing, and I feel like it will help me figure a few things out. I love my church. My testimony has grown so much in just a few months. I know that we have a God that loves us, and He sent His son to die for our sins. I'm so grateful for this church. It's helped me through so many things in so many personal ways. I have no doubt in my mind that this is the true church. I may not agree with every teensy detail, but I know that I am supposed to be there.

MY BIG SISTER IS COMING HOME! Brianna Brough is going to be home NEXT THURSDAY. I have missed my sister so much! While she was gone, I learned just how much we were alike. She's been through so much of the same stuff I have. I can't wait to hear about all of her experiences while being out on a mission. I am so proud of her and I can't wait for her to be back!

9 days until Ed Sheeran
51 days until Imagine Dragons